Look at this! It's barely been two weeks and I am writing again. Maybe this is just something I do when big transitions are coming up. I have once again been contemplating my TCK-ness. The fact that it is so seemingly easy for me to drop everything and flee to Australia is both exhilarating and worrying.
I'm running away to Australia. Somewhere far away and where nothing really matters cause I'm unlikely to ever have to live there again. Somewhere I can say with 100% certainty that I am a foreigner and get to act as such! Somewhere, where I will actually have something to miss, where it will be justified for me to miss home cause it's so damn far away. Or maybe cause it no longer exists. I knew this would start happening but I just hoped I'd be too busy to realize or married or rooted or completely comfortable in the new place when it did hit. (By *it* I mean knowing Jordan isn't home anymore). As it is, I recently realized I've been in Maastricht for a year. It no longer sucks. I'm comfortable. I know my way around, I have friends, I like my Uni. I know people, and places and I'm active in my church and it's youth-group. I'm helping out with the cooking team at the coming retreat and I've resigned myself to the atrocious weather. It's time to run.
I still miss home. And it's not Jordan anymore and that's somehow terrifying. I mean I still miss it and get very territorial and possessive when anyone mentions it, but hey that's just what I do. But it's no longer home. so now I'm gonna run to Australia so I have an excuse for not feeling at home and that should have me covered for about half a year when I get back. Then I'll be getting ready to leave again so I won't have to get grounded and get to loosen up my ties again and prepare for the next big thing. I have it all worked out. This is how I will avoid the no home dilemma. I'll be able to justify not having a home by moving around so much. Tada! I know this is what I'm doing. I'm fully aware that I am planning my life around moves and big events that can prolong the feeling of Justified Homelessness. It's worked for the last 20 years of my life. Why not the next 2 or so.
Maybe I shouldn't worry about not being rooted. Maybe that will come naturally. Maybe I don't really want to be. Rooted that is. Cause I know I'll get Moving-Sick and if I'm rooted that'd mean that I would be hurt if I acted on my Moving-Sickness (which is what Imma call the need to move again, a bit like Homesickness just reversed) and that'd just further complicate things.
I think I should let myself get rooted. or maybe make myself. I should embrace the awesome life I've been given even if I know it is unlikely that I'll feel fully at home.. possibly ever.
On a happier note, it snowed on Easter this year!
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| Running.. fast!! |
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| Maybe I should start thinking of it like this! |
Maybe I shouldn't worry about not being rooted. Maybe that will come naturally. Maybe I don't really want to be. Rooted that is. Cause I know I'll get Moving-Sick and if I'm rooted that'd mean that I would be hurt if I acted on my Moving-Sickness (which is what Imma call the need to move again, a bit like Homesickness just reversed) and that'd just further complicate things.
I think I should let myself get rooted. or maybe make myself. I should embrace the awesome life I've been given even if I know it is unlikely that I'll feel fully at home.. possibly ever.
On a happier note, it snowed on Easter this year!
