Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Getting Anxious!

The Leaving Day (as I will name it- 26th of January in other words) is approaching and I find myself needing to write more frequently. I guess I am just getting more nervous as the time to leave my only home is drawing closer.

So now there is more hassle with the University. I got another E-mail telling me that I still had to send a certified copy of my diplomas to them by the 25th- of January! Ok so for anyone living abroad this very sentence poses several challenges that none of my German peers could even fathom. First of all:
Which diploma? As I went to school in Jordan but did English classes in school which did not count towards my grade and were only meant to educate me for my British A-level examination I was understandably a bit at a loss about which Diploma to choose. I didn't have a Jordanian one so we could just scratch that option. My school Diploma looks only vaguely legitimate as it is from Jordan and for anyone with average geography skills that sounds like it was probably obtained with a 50$ bribe. So I can have that one certified by the school itself though I don't really know how much more legitimacy that would lend it! And then of course there is my A-level Diploma which I figured was the one they wanted a copy of except they mentioned a grade list. Fine. We'll copy, certify and send them all!

That's when the next problem pops up:

Jordanian Postal Service (read: Crappy-Rubbish-Unreliable Postal Service): For anyone living in or especially having grow up in an Undeveloped or Developing Country this comes as absolutely no surprise. For everyone else with the benefits of fantastic speedy mail this should sum it up: When we say snail mail, we mean SNAIL mail. Likelihood is your letter or package will get lost in what passes as our postal service, will get sent to the wrong address or reach its destination months after it was originally sent, possibly even after a letter sent at a later date to the same person. Welcome to Jordan!

Add a chaotic and slightly broke family and you get what we have here. A week till the Diplomas are due, a rubbish postal service which is guaranteed not to get it there by then if ever, and a few E-mails asking if we can bring the Diplomas personally when we get there 2 days after they are due. Hmm. Wonder what my odds are of surviving the super organized disciplined world that is called Europe. Any thoughts? :P

Her is some Good New though. My mum is coming with me for two weeks to help me settle in! You know. Through all the craziness that is happening right now ( I haven't even told my neighbor I'm leaving yet. She's gonna kill me!) I think this might be my way of working through it all. I can't seem to grieve. Or at least I don't know how. I think I'm still a little in Denial. I think despite having started packing my bags and drawing up a list of cheap stuff I need to get before I leave and places I need to visit before I do and the people I need to say goodbye to I think I still don't quite believe I'm actually leaving. It's like I'm reading someone else's story or book and I feel so bad for them and wonder when in the plot line they are going to manage to do all the things I know I would have to do too -if I was in their place that is.

In addition to that I have never grieved about leaving before. Not since I was 8. And I don't think I grieved then. I've grieved a lot about other people leaving so much so that when people leave I'll settle into my comfortable withdraw-and-be-sad-and-hurt-for-a-bit-and-then-act-like-nothing's-wrong-routine as soon as someone even mentions they might be leaving. But I have no blueprint for grieving about leaving home myself (that territory is almost as uncharted for me as the German Railway system for me). So I think this is my subconscious attempt at resolving what I know is there but simply can't seem to access. I think that this blog is more for me than for everyone else, and the reason it's a blog and not a private journal is cause I wished I'd found something like this from other (especially European)  TCKs, and if anyone ever needs this I want them to find this and know vaguely what to expect and that they are not alone.

Anyway here is a beautiful shot of my city by Photographer "Noor Renfroe".

I think I will always love this city but once I leave I don't think it will actually ever be Home again! :S

Starting to really get nervous!

8 days! 

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